Change the way you think. Create magic in your life!™

Hope that you had a relaxing holiday. I am about to head off to back-to-back shows starting in chilly NYC, then off to St. Thomas and then to Florida. If you would like to see where I am headed go to .

You can also view our new "The Latest Page," to find out where we were in 2010. (There is a great shot of Marleta and me with Kevin Nealon from Saturday Night Live and the television show “Weeds.” We had fun working with him last year.)

New Podcast Is Up
Just added a new podcast. It's called "Searching for Happiness," and it reveals 3 ways to allow happiness to reveal itself to you, as opposed to trying to find it. You can download or listen for free at . It's the first podcast on the upper right hand side.

We currently have over 30,000 listeners each month worldwide. Thank you for listening.


A man had a goal of swimming in every river he came across. One day while walking, he noticed a river in which he had never swum. He quickly threw off his clothes and jumped in. (After all, he knew how to swim and felt that he should be able to easily navigate this river.) As he was swimming, he neglected to notice the river flowing toward a whirlpool. Soon, the water started to flow more harshly and, in a matter of minutes, all of his swimming skills became worthless against the now mighty water. People on the banks of the river noticed the man. There was nothing they could do to help him. However, he soon came out of the whirlpool and drifted to shore unharmed. When asked how he survived, the man said, “I knew that the outcome would be what it would be. Despite my skills as a swimmer and my immediate feeling of panic, I knew that if I fought for my desired outcome, I would lose. So, I decided to let the event shape me, as opposed to shape the event. I went with the flow and therefore did not suffer.”

Oftentimes, we have a goal, yet it doesn’t turn out as we expected. After all, as children we were taught that if you do A and B then C should follow. As adults, we find that is not always the case and, instead of getting C, we sometimes get E or F or Z, which throws us for a loop. The result is we get angry, stressed out, worried, cynical, etc. We expect that a certain outcome should follow a plan of action, but our expectations sometimes let us down and cause us unneeded suffering.

There is a way out of the suffering and that is to detach yourself from your expectations. Now some will take that to the extreme and view that statement as you shouldn’t have dreams or goals. That’s not what I mean. What I mean is that our expectations usually come with a “must” - our expected result - and when we don’t get it, we suffer.

When trying to reach a goal, try detaching yourself from your desired outcome. Do what you need to do (A and B) but then step back and let the result (C, E or F) be what it will be. Let the event shape you, as opposed to you shaping the event.

It’s tricky, because you may be disappointed in the outcome, which is normal. But really, what else could you have done? Would getting angry about it or stressing out about it change anything?

Say you interview for a new job. You have a great resume and have all the qualifications needed to implement the job. Being nervous at the interview is normal. However, worrying as to whether you will get the job before, during or after the interview is a waste of energy and only provides suffering. You will either get it or you won’t.

Say you don’t get the job. Will being angry about it change the outcome? No. Are you disappointed? Sure, but it is what it is. You may review the result and discover that you might have done something differently. That is a fine thing to acknowledge - for the next time. But for the present case, it doesn’t matter. Don’t beat yourself up for not doing that “something” differently, because you didn’t have that information, prior to your action. And if you did – in the case of making a choice between doing one thing or the other – what really makes you think the result would have been different or would have ended up being any better? Even if the interviewer gives you a reason for not hiring you, it makes no difference, because you still may not have been hired based on other factors at that workplace of which you were unaware (i.e., the boss’s niece got the job). In such a case, you never would have gotten the job.

Where is the proof that if you had done “something differently” that you would have gotten the job? There is none. Where is it written that you “should” or “must” have this job? No where. All the worry and wondering is guessing, assumptions. All the “musts” and “shoulds” are demands with no basis of authority. All you receive for your worry and demands is suffering.

How a situation works out is how a situation works out. By detaching yourself from your expectation, you remove the worry and stress. You are still able to flow along doing what you need to do, but you can do so without all the suffering and, like the swimmer, come out of the event unharmed.

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“To be consistently effective, you must put a certain distance between yourself and what happens to you on the golf course. This is not indifference, it's detachment.” – Sam Snead, golf legend.

“He who would be serene and pure needs but one thing, detachment.” – Meister Eckhart, theologian, philosopher.

“Pain in life is sometimes necessary; suffering is always an option.” – Bob Garner, speaker, author.
Bob Garner
+1.805.534.1576 (International)

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